just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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