he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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