its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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