if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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