Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
