eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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