Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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