I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
