every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
