Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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