hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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