Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
