Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
