Girls should come with a carfax report
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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