My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
