So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
