My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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