great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
