my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Come back. Shots need mouths.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
