I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
