I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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