Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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