Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
