I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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