he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
