D3 body, D1 cock
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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