No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
