i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
