i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
