I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
