i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
