how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
