I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
