I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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