i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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