I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
