im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
