I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I FOUND THE LEGS
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
