Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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