If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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