He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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