My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Randomize
