So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
