My friends, they love my intelligence
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
