I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
