I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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