last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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