I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have aggressive nipples.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
