i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
