One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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