he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
